he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
