if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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