Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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