I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We need a shit load of segways right now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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