You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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