are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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