When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
