he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
