I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
