Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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