We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
