I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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