You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
