my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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