Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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