Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
