he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
