that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
