He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
