She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
