I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
