Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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