He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
