Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
