it was like eating out sand paper
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize