the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
