Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
