I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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