The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
