Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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