my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
