Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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