I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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