We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
