Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
