He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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