What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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