Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
