I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
