when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
