It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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