I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
