Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
