the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
why is half of my head shaved?
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