Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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