did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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