I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
