she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
