no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
