Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
