Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
