I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
