I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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