Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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