Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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