We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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