How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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