He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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