I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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