i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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