Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
